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My building is next to a large house. The owner of the house is one Mr. Snarkey. He is so old, he can no longer drive. He was one of the first people in Palookaville to own a hybrid car. Within a month, it was dented. Within three months, duct tape was holding the side of the bumper together. Mr. Snarkey's house has an upstairs apartment which is rented by Lois. She is the owner of a bug eyed Pomerian/Chihuahua mix. "ZsaZsa" wears a cat collar with bells and a tiara. Lois refuses to put her on a leash, even though ZsaZsa gets away from her a couple of times a week. Daily, I can hear Lois yelling, "ZsaZsa! Come here! ZsaZsa! No! ZsaZsa come back here! Right now!"
This morning I took Henry out and we were met by Zsa Zsa and Lois. Lois had a men's clip-on tie in her hand. She held it out to me. "Here!" she thrust it at me. "Somebody lost this!" I stepped back and said, "I don't want it!"
"But somebody lost it!" she looked at me like I was crazy.
"I didn't lose it!" I stepped back from her again. Henry stopped smelling ZsaZsa's ass and looked at the tie. Then at me. Then at Lois. Then at the tie. Then he smelled ZsaZsa's ass again.
"Well, it had to be somebody in your building!" she was dead serious.
"Why would it have to be somebody in my building? There are thousands of people residing in Palookaville. There are hundreds of residents of Rogers Grove. How did you come to that conclusion?"
I was not being very nice to her. I don't like her very much. When Henry was only 3 months old, she accused him of trying to hump ZsaZsa. Henry has never humped anything. He was just jumping around, trying to get ZsaZsa to play with him. There was no humping. THERE WAS NO HUMPING! Henry is not an acquaintance-humper!
Then, she told me the owners of the house next to hers had accused me of allowing Henry to poo in their yard. Henry had never pooed in their yard. I saw the lady out one day and went over to introduce myself. I let her know that Lois had told me about the poo and it wasn't Henry. The woman laughed and said, "That crazy old bat! I told her to not allow ZsaZsa to use our yard!"
Lois also unnerves me because she doesn't greet. Upon sight, she asks a question. For example, She will appear around a corner of our building with ZsaZsa jingling in tow, and instead of saying, "Good Morning, How are you?" She will just bust out with, "Do you work?"
Who does that?
Lois kind of sputtered and stammered and really couldn't come up with a logical reason why it had to belong to a resident of our building. "Well, I'll just put it here." She placed it near the entry keypads outside the door of the building. She scurried away with ZsaZsa at her heels.

Henry and I went out about an hour ago. Our neighbor William was coming in. "Can you believe that?" He was beaming. "I lost my tie yesterday, and here it is waiting by the door for me! How "bout that?"
I didn't respond.