chil-ren

It is springtime in the rest of the world, but here in the Midwestern-I state where I dwell, it is not the same kind of springtime. Today we had a high of 48 degrees accompanied by a chilly breeze off of our Great Lake. Many people still wear their winter parkas. It is not uncommon to see snow storms well into April. As a child, I remember wearing my winter coat and snowboots with my Easter dress, and hunting for eggs in snow. Siobhan's little daughter Amina, 4, needed some clarification on this today.
"Is it winter?" she asked from the backseat.
"No!" Siobhan and I said in unison.
"Then what is it?" she asked.
"Spring!" Siobhan and I said in unison.
"Then why is it still cold?"
I took this one while Siobhan concentrated on the road.
"Well, it's not as cold as winter, but it's not as hot in summer, and we live in the Midwest, so this is our spring."
"But Grampy says that if it is still a little cold in the air, then it isn't spring!"
"Your Grampy is wrong. Tell him I said that. In fact, I will call him up myself right this very minute! Where is your cell phone?"
Amina laughed at me and said, "You aren't gonna call my Grampy cuz my cell phone is in my Care Bear backpack and I left it at home!"
Of course Amina does not have a cell phone. She is just that good at playing along with me.
One indication of how exceptional Amina is happens to be her ability to discern and understand sarcasm. I can tell her ridiculous things like, "I am going to beat the holy hell out of you as soon as your mother looks away." and she will totally crack up because she knows I am just talking smack. Sometimes she joins in on the smack-talk, "Well, I am gonna wait til we get home and then I'm gonna beat you up cuz I know how!" She also likes to do all the same stuff I like to do; color, string beads and make up ridiculous stories.
"OK, there's a chicken, a police man, a fox, a dog, and a bunny rabbit."she'll say, "Now, you go."
"Alrighty...Let's see...Once upon a time there was a bunny rabbit named Peaches and she was a very good neighbor. One day Peaches looked outside and saw a chicken chasing a fox chasing a police man chasing a dog. She called her friend the hippopotamus and asked her what was going on...." and the story gets more ridiculous from there with Amina interjecting different animals and possible scenarios and her parents sitting in uncomfortable silence in the front seat, unsure of what to make of a grown person engaging their child in this way for very long periods of time.
Amina is so smart and good humored and interesting that I am startled when she acts like a normal four year old. She made it through an entire day of driving, lunching, shopping for groceries and browsing a store full of imported furnishings, antiques and trinkets that begged to be touched and broken(wherein she scooted her little butt up onto an antique bench and declared, "This couch is hard as hell!" She even cusses correctly. Earlier, she was fidgeting with something in the car and said,"Shit! I can't get this to work!"). When we returned home, she walked with us for at least two miles. Mid-point into the walk, she broke down. I was alarmed. I don't have any children. I am not often around children. These things surprise me.
Now, Amina has a flair for drama. After being refused her way, she will sulk and pout. If she sees you are paying attention to her, she will change her facial expression to one of Dickensian despair and slow her feet to a pathetic shuffle. She began with a wind-up whining sound. It started with, "But, Mama I wann....and then it trilled up into something that sounded like, "weeee-eeeeeeeeeedeeeeeeeeeeeekeeeeeeeeeeeepeeeeeeeeeeehunhh!" Siobahn interpretted this primal screaming to mean, "I don't want to leave yet! I want to go to the park!" Siobhan calmly told her that it was time to go. It was getting late and cold and the park was not an option today. Amina refused to walk with us. Siobhan went to take her hand, and Amina ran away. Not unlike Henry does when he drags one of my bras from the laundry and I chase him around the apartment yelling, "No! That's a bad puppy! Very Bad! That's a NO-NO!"
"'Mina, if I have to chase you, you will be very sorry." Siobhan stated. Siobhan moved in her direction. Amina ran.
"I am going to count to five...one...two...three.."
Amina shuffled over still making the "weeeeeeepeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedeeee" squealy-screechy noises. Siobhan reach for her hand and Amina went limp. Her knees folded up and she dropped to the ground. Siobhan reach down and picked her up. Amina started screaming, "POPPA! POPPA! POPPA! I WANT TO TALK TO POPPA!"
Henry did not know what to make of this and at first thought Siobhan was hurting Amina and barked at her. Then he thought maybe this was some new kind of play and wanted in on the fun.He ran over and jumped up on Siobhan. I pulled his leash and he reluctantly came over by me. Amina continued to scream. I looked around to make sure nobody thought I may be involved in what looked like an abduction. Henry's ears were folded against his head and he started to walk faster. Siobhan passed us with Amina struggling and screaming in her arms. A drunken lady with no teeth and a snot trail from her nose to her upper lip yelled to them, "That's just how my son cries! Don't cry, baby! You're supposed to have fun! Give yer momma a big kiss and stop that cryin'!" Ah, Palookaville.
Siobhan was civil but not encouraging and trudged on with Amina bellowing to the top of her lungs.
I don't have children. It's a deliberate choice. I have carefully side-stepped them for a myriad of reasons. I don't want to pass on certain genetics. I don't have the appropriate resources. I don' t want to bring another person into the world who will have to plod along, struggling through a mediocre existence. I think it takes so much to give them an advantage. I love the ones that are here. I love the ones that are on their way here. I love all of them. Give me a kid, any kid and I am in love with it in two minutes.I applaud those of you who have had them. I believe you are a hopeful, faithful and trusting people. You find good in the world and are secure in sending a little person out into it. Your hope ensures that we will go on. So much of what goodness is preserved in this life it is done by people who have made that leap of faith and brought progeny into it. But, I can't. I will never join your ranks. I am afraid.

I am afraid I will beat the holy shit out of them.

I am being funny, but there is some seriousness in this statement. I am afraid I will just lose my mind and beat them senseless and change who they are forever and set them on a course of despair. I would never put my hand on somebody else's child. I don't hit Henry. But I am afraid I will hit my children.

The remainder of the walk consisted of me and Henry walking far ahead of Siobhan and Amina. Mostly because I wanted to ask Amina questions while she freaked out and I knew it was so highly inappropriate.
"So, tell me, Amina...Why are you flippin' out?"
"Weeeeeeeeeeeheeeeee-keeeeeeeeeeeeeepeeeeeeeeeeehunhh!"
"Do you think this is effective?"
"POPPA POPPA POPPAPOPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAggghhhh"
"Do you really think your mother will take you to the park if you act this way?"
"IIIIIIWWAAAAANNNTMMMYYYYPPOPPPAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
"How do you think we could avoid these outbursts in the future?"
"AGH! AGH! AGH! WEEEEEEEEEEEKUUUUUUUUUUUUGHAAAAGH!"

As soon as Amina calmed down, Henry layed down on the sidewalk and refused to budge until we were all in proximity again. Henry's a herder. On a walk, he frequently checks to make sure everybody is present and accounted for. If you lag behind, he will sit down and graciously wait for you to catch up. He actually has a look on his face like, "Are you comin'?" Funny, he was fine with walking far ahead while Amina was screaming.

That's my boy!