mind probe monday
Today I have the double whammy psychiatrist/psychologist back to back appointment marathon!(Monday on the All Psych Network! Don't have the All-Psych Network? Contact your cable service provider NOW!)
I think Henry Miller said the cure for depression was $500. Meaning that if you had disposable income of $500, you wouldn't be forced to sit around lamenting about your lack of discretionary funds. Now, HM said that back in the 30's; so, $500 then would probably need to be a few grand today. I think he was on to something, but I have indulged in a fair amount of retail therapy in my lifetime and it only gave momentary relief. Not to say I don't enjoy some of my more extravagant purchases; my ridiculously expensive bed, my dog, etc. I still experience a fair amount of depressive symptoms. I just get to lay in a very nice bed with a very nice blanket over my head and cry into a very nice pillow all day. At my most depressed, I didn't want to leave the hospital. I was having a completely serious self-dialogue about the possibility of living in a hospital for the rest of my life, and how I could make that happen. They have the absolute worst beds and bedding save for prisons in the Ukraine, perhaps. The showers are disgusting. Nothing about the hospital is nice. Yet, I wanted to remain there for eternity at one point. I found the routine and lack of stress comforting, Also, I could remain alone and yet not completely alone. I could have interesting discussions with the staff and other patients yet not be invested in these situations because the parameters of the relationships were clearly defined. The patients were all temporary. The staff could only be so friendly. I like that. See previous post,"null and void are best friends."
I am caught up in a vicious circle of being uncomfortable with people but being depressed due to lack of contact with people.
I think Henry Miller said the cure for depression was $500. Meaning that if you had disposable income of $500, you wouldn't be forced to sit around lamenting about your lack of discretionary funds. Now, HM said that back in the 30's; so, $500 then would probably need to be a few grand today. I think he was on to something, but I have indulged in a fair amount of retail therapy in my lifetime and it only gave momentary relief. Not to say I don't enjoy some of my more extravagant purchases; my ridiculously expensive bed, my dog, etc. I still experience a fair amount of depressive symptoms. I just get to lay in a very nice bed with a very nice blanket over my head and cry into a very nice pillow all day. At my most depressed, I didn't want to leave the hospital. I was having a completely serious self-dialogue about the possibility of living in a hospital for the rest of my life, and how I could make that happen. They have the absolute worst beds and bedding save for prisons in the Ukraine, perhaps. The showers are disgusting. Nothing about the hospital is nice. Yet, I wanted to remain there for eternity at one point. I found the routine and lack of stress comforting, Also, I could remain alone and yet not completely alone. I could have interesting discussions with the staff and other patients yet not be invested in these situations because the parameters of the relationships were clearly defined. The patients were all temporary. The staff could only be so friendly. I like that. See previous post,"null and void are best friends."
I am caught up in a vicious circle of being uncomfortable with people but being depressed due to lack of contact with people.
posted by katherine at 8:46 AM
1 Comments:
I'm thinking of what to say but I think I need to have some ice cream first-I got Gingerbread and Peppermint Stick last week...I love avoiding my own problems by reading about yours. Merry Christmas.
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