Hi-diddly-ho!

Bob was a unit counselor that worked the 3-11 shift. Ashley Burroughs, Pearson and I called him Ned Flanders because not only did he resemble him, he was perpetually cheery, never displayed any anger, agitation or frustration, and was a graduate of the same faith based University that Summer attended. "How-diddly-do-ya?" Ashley would announce as Bob came in to the Group Room. Bob's groups were extremely upbeat. For the last group of the day, he would open a locked closet and remove a chunk of plastic molded to look like logs. He would sit it on a table in the middle of the room with our chairs in a circle around it. When plugged in, it glowed like a campfire. He told us his "fireplace" had been with him since college when he would try to lure co-eds back to his room. I strongly suspect Bob is a real 40 year old virgin. He grew up in the same New Jersey town as Brooke Shields. He says she is very tall with large features, the largest of which are her hands. He called them "man hands." Instead of some sappy carey-sharey teary-eyed meeting, Bob liked to play "Scruples." Everybody would be given a stack of cards with questions such as, "You find a large sum of money. Nobody would ever know you had found it and it could never be traced back to you. Do you keep it?"
Summer had been very accommodating, almost maternal to me; showing me the ropes of the unit, even finding saline solution for my dry contacts. She knew I didn't have any friends in the area and asked me if I would like to have coffee with her after we got out. The first time I heard her running nude story, I laughed for the first time in what seemed like forever. Scruples would prove unkind to our fledging friendship. That's because Summer was another fundamentalist charismatic Bible thumpin' wackjob. Scruples revealed me to be the opinionated left-leaning centrist that I am.
"Summer!" Bob would say and pause dramatically. "Your teenage daughter comes to you and asks if she may start taking the birth control pill. What do you do?"
"Well, Bob, that's a hard one. I am a Christian. My faith tells me sex before marriage is a sin, so I would have to tell her that I could not condone that kind of relationship and encourage her very strongly to wait." Summer fidgeted alot when she talked. She jiggled her leg, shuffled her Scruples cards, pushed up her glasses, smoothed back her hair, etc. She was whip skinny and only ate the write in salads for lunch and the write in soup for dinner. Breakfast was the fruit plate. Every day of her stay, it was the same. She never wavered. One morning she approached me in the hallway, all worried and anxious. "Dr. Samia has added another medication for me. It's called Remeron. have you heard of it?"
"Yeah, I took it for a while. It's number one side effect is weight gain. I stopped it right away."
Her eyes bugged out behind her glasses and she jutted out her chin. She looked genuinely pissed. "I thought so! I am not taking it! If I so much as gain an ounce, that's it! Why do you think they would give me that?" She looked narrow-eyed and suspicious.
"Well...I think they probably wanted you to try an anti-depressant with a sleep benefit. Do you have problems sleeping?" She nodded. "That's probably it. Maybe they thought because you're a thin person, the weight gain wouldn't be an issue for you."
"Yeah, that's probably it. You're right. I'm still gonna watchit, though." She went back to her room.
Bob was looking at me. "Kathy, how do you feel about that?" He had a mischevious smile on his face. He was enjoying this discourse. Maybe he wasn't exactly like Ned Flanders.
"I feel Summer wants to be a young grandmother."