existentialism and loneliness

"Have you done anything social?" my little rodent-esque guinea pig owning psychologist asked.
"No." I lied.
Actually, I had been to a birthday party (the most social of any social occasion) just yesterday. It was for Amina,daughter of Siobhan and Ezra, who had turned the big 5. Amina's father is one one of about umpteen children. The party was populated by many of these siblings and their spouses and progeny. Siobhan and Ezra's smallish apartment was full of people with all manner of connections to one another. People married to people who were siblings of people who had created other people. It was quite a fascinating web. The most fascinating was the one around Siobhan's father. Now, if you didn't know him, you might think Siobhan's father was a wiseguy. He's the best dressed guy in the room; the most charismatic, the most charming, the one that the tipsy women and small children gravitate toward. He is married to Siobhan's mother, a very pretty blond who was most likely a knockout in her day. He had another daughter (with another woman while he was married to Siobhan's mother). Her name is Monelle. Siobhan's mother stayed with him and had a son, Seamus. It doesn't end here. Ezra, (recap: father of Amina and life-partner of Siobhan,) has a sister, Eve. Siobhan thinks her father may have something going on with Eve. The completely bizarre thing is, if you met Siobhan's dad, you may well understand why Siobhan's mother would stay with him (no joke. seriously). All of these people were in the same smallish apartment. Amazing.
Another amazing thing was how Ezra's umpteen siblings looked alike yet nothing alike. When I walked in, I was introduced to Ezekiel, a red-haired ruddy faced guy. His wife, Jamie was stick thin and very familiar. Then I was introduced to Effram, who looked remarkably like Ezekiel, except for the baby mullet and cop 'stache. Effram spoke like Eyeore (not another sibling; the Winnie the Pooh donkey character). Later, after a couple of vodka and tonics with lime, Siobhan and I called his answering machine in the other room and cracked up upon hearing the greeting, "If you wanna...Leave a message. Beep!"
The next sibling I met was the youngest male, Edward. How Edward got the most common name of his siblings is a mystery. Maybe the poor mother was just freakin' tired. Now, Ezra and Edward could be versions of one another. Similiar build; lankish and thin. Similiar noses; longish and prominent. They also resembled the gay brother, Esau. Esau is very mannerly and pleasant in a teacher sort of way. He's not flamboyant or queeny at all. In any other environment,the only hint of his orientation is in the vaguely neuter-ish feeling he gives off. In that room of alpha males, the gayness was palpable. These three; Ezra, Edward and Esau, resembled the other two, Effram and Ezekiel, not at all. As I said, Ezra, Ed and Esau were lankish and thin with longish noses and brown hair and fairish skin. Eff and Zeke were ruddy redheads with shortish stout builds. Enter Eve.
Eve is an escort(Is it me or is this sounding somewhat Seussical?). This has only recently come to the attention of her family. She tries to downplay her va-va-voomishness in front of them by wearing baggy clothing and putting her hair up. It doesn't quite work. If you saw Eve in the Wal-Mart, you would double-take her. She has a great body; tiny waist, fake boobs (not too big, no big gaping cavernous valley between them, no obnoxious ridges that make them look like two halves of a nerf ball stuck under her skin), and a cute butt in her very expensive looking jeans. She has a sort of manufactured star quality. I think she may have had some work done on her face; botox and some lip injections, nothing major. She resembles her mother only vaguely and her brothers not at all. (Oddest thing about Eve's appearance: she has scary man-hands that look like she has toiled for many lifetimes in some horribly difficult trade. While I suspect at times the escort trade is horribly difficult, I don't think it gives you man-hands.)The youngest of the entire family is Erin, who resembles none of these other people. She has a prominent nose, but of an entirely different shape than the others. Nothing in her facial structure suggests her siblings or mother. Very strange. That only accounts for 8 of the umpteen kids. I would love to see the father and the remaining siblings to see if there are missing links that would bring them all together. Currently, I am harboring a suspicion that Ezra's fundamentally religious mother had affairs with at least 4 different men.
Now, on to the spouses. Ezekiel's wife, Jaime, the rail thin vaguely familiar one, never left his side for more than 2 seconds and when she spoke the 4 words I witnessed her utter, they weren't audible. I think I may have went to high school with her. She has the same haircut(feathered) and was wearing something that could have been from that era; heather grey sweatshirt with tipped collar and sleeves and a logo with sand washed mom jeans. When Ezekiel made fun of Eve's children's names (boys, twins with very effeminate names; Allegra and Dante), she lightly smacked him on the arm and mouthed something that looked like, "Stop it." or "Stop that!"
Effram's wife was very outging and talkative. She also consumed two bottles of wine between 2 and 5. She kept checking in with me. "Here! Sit here!" she would say and pat the seat next to her. She and Effram seemed to communicate via teasing each other. She ended up planted next to Siobhan's father (imagine that!), chatting him up in an overtly flirty manner as red faced Effram sat watching her, grinning like a smitten fool and shaking his head.
I may have mentioned in previous posts that I am somewhat socially phobic. Having a dog has helped me, as everybody and their mama want to talk with me about him. I find the dynamics of any social event both fascinating and terrifying. When I see two people who are familiar with one another interact, I feel like I am seeing something I shouldn't. I should look away, but I'm too fascinated. What makes familiarity happen? What is the glue of these situations? I think it involves a gene or at least a skill set I don't have. I never feel entirely comfortable around any other person and it seems like at once a burden and a blessing.
Later that night, after I left the party, caught a film at the dollar theater in the next town, and while I was walking Henry, an ache seized my torso. It was so abrupt and so fierce that I nearly doubled over under the streetlight while grasping the leash. My knees bent slightly and I pressed my arms to my sides and tried to take deep breaths so I wouldn't burst into tears right there in the street. This happens only rarely. Most of the time I am quite content with my solitude. Occasionally the emptiness, longing, ache, and loss culminate into a psychic donkeypunch (Thanks, Barry) of physical pain. The only other person I knew that felt mental anguish in a physical way was an ex-boyfriend who told me he hurt so badly after his mother died that even his teeth ached.
"We're social beings." said the rodent shrinky dink. I agree. My need for socialization is not constant. It lays dormant until I experience some big beautiful mess like Amina's birthday party, then rears up and pounds me like a wave.