cesspool vortex

Henry's vet looks like Sean Penn. I mentioned this to Siobhan, a fellow member of the Palookaville Mental Health Alliance Walking Team 2006. We hold practice at the Palookaville Athletic Complex, a veritable social vortex. Dr. SeanPenn happened to be there, playing foosball. We went on to discuss the status of his marriage, his wife's unfortunate fashion choices and details of his almost-extra marital affair with a deaf Tantric sex instructor.
"Don't you think it's weird that he doesn't know either of our names, but we know all this crazy shit about him?" Siobhan asked.
"No, because if anybody achieves a modicum of success in this economically devastated cesspool, everybody knows them and talks much smack about them. Everybody gossips about the same people in this town; The SeanPenns, The Snidelys, The Acorns, the Pantagliones, and the Popalopagus'." Four of the five names mentioned have store-front businesses in Palookaville.
Siobhan looked puzzled. "Who's the Pantagliones?" The "Pants" family doesn't have a store front business, therefore they were the only family name she didn't recognize. Siobhan is also younger and from another town.
"Tony Pantaglione was the great white hope of Palookaville back in the late seventies/early eighties. He was the 1981 Mr. Foosball Honoree. He made it to the pros." I explained.
Foosball is huge in our state. During the mid-seventies, the factories in our town started to shut down. Palookaville was beginning a slow descent into the socio-economic polarization familiar to most resort/bedrom communities in the Midwest. The unemployment rate was high. Spirits were broken. Then, from the doom, emerged Tony Pantaglione, Foosball God. His picture graced the cover of the Palookaville Times every night. My father wouold complain, "They should re-name this rag the Tony Pantaglione Times! The world could be blowing up and all we get is news about Pantaglione!" He was written up in Foosball Illustrated. He was destined to be a star. He was still in high school. Foosball became so popular in our town that nearly every house had a table. My brothers would play daily. I would watch and cheer for whoever I liked that day. "I'm (foosball legend) Jack Briggs!" Steve would boast. "I'm (the first pro foosball player) Gary Pfeil!"
My brother Jeff, younger and not so bright, would say, "I'm Tony Pantaglione!"
There are many rumours about Tony Pants and his family. Some say his dad made him train for ten hours a day. Others say his dad made him play with a blindfold on or with one hand tied behind his back. Then, there's the rumour; Tony's dad, Big Tony was a man to be reckoned with. They say that he himself once stood on the cusp of foosball greatness. That's why Tony's foosball career was so important to him. That's why he pushed Tony so hard. When Tony's foosball talent reached the media, the Pants family was contacted by none other than the godfather of foosball, E. Lee Peppard. Peppard was ready to take Tony to the big time, the show. Big Tony met with Peppard at his estate to duck hunt and talk about Tony's future in foosball. With Peppard as his mentor, the sky would be the limit. People speculated about the Olympic foosball team. There were whispers about a line of Tony Pantaglione Foosball tables and accessories. Peppard told Big Tony about his plans to ease Tony into the spotlight slowly. He didn't want to risk overexposure. He wanted to ensure that Tony was ready for the pro circuit, then introduce him at the peak of his performance and make sure Tony's career had longevity. Peppard had seen many a small town foosball wonder hit the big time too fast and burn out. Big Tony was having none of it. He wanted Tony on the circuit immediately. He would hear none of Peppard's logic. Peppard had been warned of Big Tony's temperament and demeanor. If he felt he was being shortchanged, Big Tony was fond of pointing to his large forehead (some call it an eighthead) and asking, "Does it say 'FUCK ME' across here?" Peppard was ready. He loaded the hunting gear back into the Jeep and drove Big Tony back to his car without a word. Tony went on to experience success with foosball, playing the European tournaments and breaking into the pro circuit here for a short time before being sidelined with carpal tunnel. There's always the question of "What if...?" Tony is still the most successful athlete to come out of Palookaville. The rumours continue. They say he's an alcoholic, a sex addict, bankrupt. Occasionally, there's a sighting. At the diner or the mall, you'll look over and see Palookaville's Great White Hope ambling out, moving awkwardly with his new titanium elbow replacements.